Sunday, February 1, 2009

The Guest List - Part Two

I made my list of cutting "rules", in my last post. Here are some of the issues with having rules:

The hard part is the friends in-between. If I only see them 2 or 3 times a year, in a social setting, should they be invited? There are a few girls from college I hang out with, but we never hang out alone. We don't call each other. I like them, but when it comes to cutting time, should I keep them over someone else that I am closer too, but don't see as often?

Salve grads at a friend's wedding, this past summer

Dates are hard, too. I was once interrogated by a bride on my love for Mr. Newport. We had been dating for about two years and we were planning on living together before the Bride's wedding. She pulled me aside at a party and was asking wherther or not I loved him (at this point he had given me a promise ring and basically announced, he would eventually propose). I thought it was clear we were in love and I didn't understand why she was so interested in our relationship. Then someone pulled me aside and explained the wedding guest list was being put together.

Jim and I at a cousin's wedding, this past summer

I don't want to have to judge people's relationships. It makes me uncomfortable. Who am I to say how in love you are at any point in your relationship? Some people fall hard and fast, while others take time. Everyone is different and I don't want to assume or ask anything.

I find this very frustrating. How do you decide who gets a date? If you have been dating for X amount of months/years, you get a guest? What are your thoughts on this one? Is there any good way to cut down the list, without hurting or offending people?

11 comments:

Caitlin said...

We are struggling with the same thing. We decided that if we have met the friend's significant other--then they are invited [for addressing envelopes mostly]. Also, we tried to do it based on whether or not the friend in question would know other people there...would they be flying solo if they were without a date? We have a lot of friends who casually date...but they'll know other people and don't need to bring their girl/boyfriend of the month!

Brenn said...

I think you have to take into consideration if you as a couple know the date or if that date knows other invitees. Any good friend shouldn't be upset if you don't invite a "newbie" if you don't know them very well or if you know that it's not a serious relationship.

AmyJean said...

That's what we did. one year. Flat rule. No exceptions... not to make single people feel badly but i think it could be a lot of fun with some single people mingling as well. It's a tough decision but i think if you make a rule - across the board - it makes it easiest! But i was also called a bridezilla on one of my posts when i said that was what we were doing...
RelentlessBride

Katie said...

we're doing something similar to Caitlin...if we know the boyfriend/girlfriend in question, they'll be invited. If we haven't met, it's been less that a year, but they don't know anyone else, guest is invited.

Thank goodness there are only one or two cases for every complicated rule. it's getting sticky!

LauraAnn said...

My only suggestion would be to base it on whether you actually know this person's date. Is your friend someone that you hang out with? Do they bring their date with them when you hang out? Sorry, that may not be very helpful but I feel like it may be easier to base it on whether you know the date or not. Good luck!!!!

Newport Nuptials said...

As part of our date rule, listed in the previous post, dates who we are friends with will be invited and friends who know no one else, will also get a date.

We have many exceptions to the rules.
It is so hard, it is good to hear what other people are doing and know we aren't the only ones who have to make cuts.

DCKate said...

This isn't an issue with our friends, as most of them are either definitively paired (married/engaged/living together) or resolutely single. It is an issue however with a number of cousins. So the line we drew was that if you're either engaged or living together, we invite both; otherwise it's a solo invite. We just can't afford to have all of our single cousins bringing their flavor of the month! (Mind you that we have over 45 first cousins combined!)

The one exception that we're making is there are a few very elderly widowed friends and family members, and we're giving them a "+1" so that they can bring someone for company if they wish.

Jenny said...

We've been having a similar problem Not only do we want to keep the budget down, but the locations I wanted only allow for a semi-small amount of people. I imagine many people's feeling will be hurt, but ultimately the day is about us. In 10 years we will probably not even know where some of these people live. Our rule is: engaged or living together. Its a hard rule, but for our dream wedding we have to enforce it. :(

We do have the benefit that nearly everyone coming knows at least 2 or 3 other people.

Cyd said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cyd said...

We are not allowing anyone to bring a guest. If we know that person's significant other and it's an established relationship (aka not just a date for the night), we are inviting them ourselves, not leaving it up to people to ask guests/dates to join them. Will all of those people "love" their girlfriend/boyfriend? Will all of those relationships turn into marriages? Maybe, maybe not...for me the most important thing is that random, casual dates are not coming to the wedding.

P.S. Tag, you're it! ;-)

quite contrary said...

oh geez...I never thought about the guest list being this difficult but I bet it is! ugh! Cant wait to do that one day! Good Luck...just go with your gut...it is YOUR wedding, do what you want!